Hello! I’m Alyssa Grenfell
I was raised in a devout Mormon family and followed the path of an ideal church member: baptism at eight, a full-time mission, education at BYU, marriage in the temple, and faithfully following all the commandments.
The church defined my purpose, my morals, my lifestyle, my personality, and my choices. I even allowed my father’s priesthood blessing to decide what career I would study for and pursue. Nothing could disprove the church or its teachings because of the powerful spiritual confirmations I had experienced in the form of intense personal feelings.
The “covenant path” that dictated my life eventually led me to rock bottom. Depressed and even suicidal, I wondered how my life had ended up this way when I had done everything I was supposed to. I thought of the times I was sure God had given me personal revelation through powerful feelings as intense as I can imagine–where I would go on a mission and who I would marry. Both of these “revelations” had turned out to be false. For the first time, I allowed myself to ask, “what if God hasn’t been leading my life? What if none of it is true?”
This moment began my faith deconstruction. My husband and I began to study church history and learned how much had been hidden from us. Discovering that Joseph Smith married other men’s wives and multiple teenagers felt like a betrayal. My husband and I both left the church the same year.
Without the church I had no idea who I was. We moved to Brooklyn, New York just to get away from the church (it feels like it’s everywhere in Utah).
Slowly I began to discover who I was for myself, discovering the freedom of taking charge of my own life, my own morals, my own lifestyle and my own choices. My father’s priesthood blessing had pushed me down the career path of a teacher but truthfully always wanted to be a writer.
One evening over drinks with friends, I began sharing my upbringing in the church. As I talked, my audience of listeners grew larger and larger and by their faces I realized just how odd of a life I had lived. I had grown up in a cult that controlled nearly every aspect of my life.
After the birth of my second son, I stopped working and began writing and posting online about the church. Others wanted to learn about the church, their Mormon neighbors, and the missionaries. My TikTok and YouTube, Instagram accounts exploded in popularity.
In 2023 I published How to Leave the Mormon Church: An Exmormon’s Guide to Rebuilding After Religion. By sharing my own story along with everything I learned, I hoped to support and guide others who also choose to leave Mormonism. The book became a best-seller in multiple religious and atheist category lists.
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