An ExMormon’s Thoughts on The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives Hulu TV Show
When the Secret Lives of Mormon Wives dropped on Hulu, it immediately grabbed attention, and some even claiming it caused Hulu to crash. I binged it the weekend it came out and, like many others familiar with Mormon culture, I had plenty of thoughts about how this show would portray the infamous MomTok group and how deeply it would dive into the influence of Mormonism on their lives.
You can watch The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives on Hulu here. Here’s a breakdown of the show, my reactions, and all the key moments you need to know about.
A Quick Recap of the MomTok Scandal
In 2020, a group of Mormon moms in Utah became popular on TikTok, sharing videos with the hashtag #MomTok and generally themed towards empowering mothers. A popular mom in the community, Taylor Frankie Paul, caused a viral scandal when she revealed on a livestream that some members of the group (including herself) were involved in “soft swinging.”
Though she didn’t name names, it wasn’t hard for fans to speculate who might have been involved based on TikTok videos they’d appeared in together. If you’re interested in a full breakdown of the original MomTok drama, check out BOZE vs. the WORLD’s reaction and recap or the Jordan and McKay reaction. They do a fantastic job laying it all out.
What’s “Soft Swinging” and Why Does It Matter?
In Mormonism, sex outside of marriage and with anyone but your spouse is strictly prohibited and can lead to serious consequences like excommunication. “Soft swinging” has been interpreted to include everything but penetrative sex, but isn’t actually defined on the show.
Taylor’s video exposing the swinging led to several divorces, including her own, and put a spotlight on Mormon culture. Many of the moms in the community who weren’t involved in the swinging were unhappy with how Tayor’s video affected the community and others’ perceptions of MomTok.
The Show’s Surprisingly Heavy Focus on Mormonism
Going into the show, I wasn’t expecting much focus on Mormonism. I thought it might occasionally be referenced, but I didn’t think it would play such a central role. However, the show frequently mentions Mormon practices like wearing garments (religious underwear), temple marriages, and baby blessings. As someone who’s gone through these experiences, I found it both shocking and oddly refreshing to see these topics discussed so openly on reality TV.
The show’s portrayal of garments, in particular, caught my attention. Garments are sacred underwear that Mormons wear almost all the time (except for sex, showers, and swimming). Watching these women talk candidly about how uncomfortable garments can be—especially for things like breastfeeding—was a level of openness I wasn’t expecting, especially on mainstream media. If you’re curious, the Mormon church has a video explaining garments, and I’ve also gathered some survey responses about wearing garments that dive into this in more detail.
Key Characters and Their Roles
The women in the show are divided into two main groups: the “Saints” and the “Sinners.” The Saints are those who more closely adhere to Mormon values, while the Sinners are those who have distanced themselves from the faith or live more rebellious lives. Here’s a closer look at the key characters:
The Saints
Whitney
Whitney comes off as the most primary villain in the show. She’s constantly stirring the pot, always in the middle of the drama. Ironically, Whitney (who stayed with her husband despite him having a Tinder account during the original MomTok scandal) is one of the quickest to judge other women in the cast.
The show also brings up the RSV video she made, which got her a lot of negative attention. In it, she talks about how she handled her children being sick with RSV as she danced in front of them with a smile. The video went viral for the wrong reasons and many criticized her for using her child’s illness to promote herself in an icky way. Watch that video here.
Mikayla
Mikayla was married at 16 to a 21-year-old. Yes, that’s right. She was only 16 years old when she married a man who was 21. Mikayla’s story reflects just how much the Mormon church pushes its members, especially women, to marry young, and how those marriages are often idealized as the only path to happiness.
Mayci
Mayci is portrayed as one of the kindest and most genuinely supportive characters in the show. She’s an active Mormon with a temple recommend and regularly attends church. Mayci openly responds to backlash from people claiming she isn’t “Mormon enough” and shows resilience in the face of online criticism. Mayci herself addresses whether or not she’s “Mormon” in a TikTok video that delves into her perspective.
Jen
Jen is arguably the most devout of the group, following Mormon practices closely. She frequently mentions wearing garments, attending church, and observing religious ceremonies like baby blessings. Despite her dedication, she faces the familiar judgment of not being “Mormon enough,” reflecting the often harsh internal scrutiny that Mormons impose on each other.
The Sinners
Taylor
Taylor is the central figure of the MomTok scandal and continues to play a significant role in the show. After her divorce, Taylor tries to rebuild her life with her new boyfriend, Dakota. However, her past, including a domestic violence incident that led to her arrest, complicates her journey and even postponed the show.
For this reason, many viewers have noticed a significant shift in the tone of the first episode compared with the rest of the episodes. The show paints her as a “comeback queen,” but whether her attempts at redemption are genuine or calculated remains up for debate.
Demi
Demi is one of the more outspoken critics of Mormonism, particularly when it comes to how the church treats women. She’s divorced and remarried, and her outspokenness makes her one of the most rebellious and thought-provoking characters. Demi consistently challenges the expectations placed on Mormon women, making her stand out as a key figure in the Sinners group.
Jessi
Jessi brings a mix of humor and defiance to the show. She openly drinks alcohol (something that’s strictly against Mormon rules), and her hair extension business (JZ Styles Hair) gained viral attention thanks to a billboard that some misread as saying “Jizz Hair Everywhere.” Jessi actively pushes back against the rigid expectations of Mormonism, representing a bold and rebellious presence.
Layla
Layla’s story is both shocking and eye-opening. Married at 18 and divorced by 22, she reveals that she never had an orgasm during her entire marriage. Her story speaks to the repressive sexual teachings in Mormonism. Now a single mom, Layla is trying to figure out who she is outside the strict confines of the faith.
The Mormon Church’s Response to the Show
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is notorious for distancing itself from any media that portrays its members in a controversial light. Interestingly, the church broke the norm by publishing a statement about The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives which emphasized that the show perpetuates negative stereotypes about Mormons and portrays lifestyles that were not harmonious with church teachings. You can read the statement here.
This is a familiar pattern where the church attempts to control the narrative surrounding its members and beliefs, particularly in the face of sensationalized media portrayals.
My Thoughts on The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives
While watching The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, I couldn’t help but notice how much of the show reveals the deeper struggles faced by women in Mormon culture. The show highlights the external judgments placed on them for everything from drinking coffee to wearing garments, which overshadow more meaningful values like compassion.
For many women in the show, like Taylor and Layla, navigating personal desires while trapped in the strict confines of Mormon rules leads to rebellious behavior, complicated relationships, and the constant pressure to appear perfect both spiritually and physically.
The series also dives deep into the contradictions within Mormonism, particularly regarding the expectations placed on women. Demi’s outspoken critiques of Mormon gender norms, Layla’s struggles with sexual repression, and Jen’s unwavering devotion to temple worthiness reveal the complex and often repressive roles women are expected to play.
These characters show how Mormonism regulates every aspect of life, from marriage to personal worth, leaving little room for personal freedom or self-discovery.
Ultimately, the show exposes the impossible expectations Mormon women face as they are torn between traditional religious values and modern life. The contradictions between their personal autonomy and the Church’s control create a tense and emotionally repressive environment, one that many, like myself, have had to break free from. Watching these women navigate the same rigid rules and expectations was both validating and heartbreaking, offering a public platform to struggles often hidden beneath the surface.
If you’re curious to dive deeper, you can check out all my detailed notes and thoughts on the show on Patreon.